Sex scenes in films are normally romantic, sensual and steamy. Sometimes they’re a little awkward, sometimes funny or amusing, and sometimes a tad disturbing. Then there are the scenes that are just downright disgusting.
In honour of Universal Pictures’ The Change-up, which is out on Blu-ray and DVD from 23rd January, these filthy sex scenes are exactly what we’re celebrating. In the film, Mitch (Ryan Reynolds) has a weekly rendezvous with Tatiana (Mircea Monroe), a 9-months pregnant woman he apparently met at childbirth class. While she’s lovely, the scene is anything but as she charges into the flat demanding wild animal sex.
Feeling quite sorry for Dave (Jason Bateman), who is trapped in Mitch’s body at the time of the encounter, we decided to trawl through the past two decades and relive other films that made us wince, cringe, and cover our eyes.
10. Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle, 2004
Kumar (Kal Penn) shows the world just how intense a love affair with drugs can be as he moans in pleasure during sex with a giant bag of weed. While seemingly every stoner’s dream come true, it’s questionable how this asexual bag of marijuana is able to do much without any actual body parts.
9. American Pie, 1999
In one of the most classic sex-with-an-inanimate-object scenes, we cringe as Jim (Jason Biggs) is caught by his dad having sex with his mother’s freshly made pie. It forever changed the meaning of warm apple pie and made us ponder the similarities between baked goods and sex.
8. Jack Frost, 1996
Jim’s American Pie crush Shannon Elizabeth was previously crushed by a killer snowman in this cult classic, most notable for its hilariously poor acting. While intended to be a frightening rape scene, the result is a sordid sexual encounter between a snowman and a teen girl. Besides the fact that Frosty looks like a giant marshmallow, the grossest part is probably that he is poking her with his carrot nose.
7. Good Luck Chuck, 2007
Having women literally lining up to sleep with you probably sounds like heaven to most men. Chuck (Dane Cook) learns it can be the opposite when you’re doing it with the type of freaks that are more focused on praying to God the Saviour than pleasing you, or have a tattoo that reads George W. above her, um, bush.
6. Step Brothers, 2008
Dale (John C. Reilly) is taken by surprise in the men’s toilet when his step brother’s wife goes stalker crazy and demands sex. After hopping onto his bits and thrusting back and forth in a way that oddly resembles a woodpecker, she tells him to ‘Stay golden, pony boy’ before lifting a leg and taking a wee in the urinal. Dale thinks it’s incredible, which it kind of is if you’re into quick, woodpecker sex and women that wee like men.
5. Team America: World Police, 2004
In this controversial sex scene (nine edits had to be shown to the Motion Picture Association of America before they would approve it), we see puppets go at it from every possible angle their plastic bodies will allow. While their creepy smiles don’t change at all during the romp, their positions do quite a bit – with each one making us wonder more and more what the heck we’re doing watching disturbing doll sex.
4. The Hangover Part II, 2011
While we don’t actually see the sex scene between Stu (Ed Helms) and the Thai transvestite he has emotional sex with while black out drunk, our imagination is free to conjure up some pretty dirty images. What we do get to see is Stu’s priceless reaction as ‘she’ reveals her private parts and he comes to terms with the fact that he made love to a she-he.
3. The Change-Up, 2011
Dave (Jason Bateman), while trapped in Mitch’s (Ryan Reynolds) body, is seduced by a very pregnant and horny woman, who is expecting her weekly sex session. She lunges toward him, her enormous nude belly leading the way, and attacks the repulsed Dave-as-Mitch. Yes, pregnant women are beautiful, but not when you can see their baby’s foot protruding through their enlarged stomach. The next scene isn’t much better, as Mitch-as-Dave is privy to Dave’s naked wife taking a massive poo on the toilet.
2. Bad Santa, 2003
Billy Bob Thornton shows us a side of Santa we never wanted to see when he engages in anal sex with a prostitute in the dressing room at work. The scene pretty much destroys the visions we had as children of jolly old Saint Nick and his sweet Mrs. Claus.
1. Kingpin, 1996
Roy Munson (Woody Harrelson) opts for repulsive sex with his landlady in lieu of paying rent. Post sex, as he is projectile vomiting in the toilet, she questions the relationship between good sex and a good crap: ‘What is it about good sex that always makes me have to crap? Guess it’s all that pumping. Pump and dump.’ How poetic.